TwotoTenth vs the Chuck Me Mondays Challenge
by TwotoTenth
Summary: Does anyone else think the show could use just a little more Awesome? Let's write him a scene in every episode of the first two seasons. Written for the challenge issued by verkisto.
1. Awesome vs the Pilot

A/N: All right, I'm going to take a run at this. Let's start with the Captain's take on the morning after Chuck's big date.

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Chapter 1: Awesome vs. the Pilot

On the morning of September 27, Devon Woodcomb woke with a smile on his face. The night before had gone well. In fact, the last two days had gone well – better than he could have hoped after the disaster that was Chuck's birthday party. Ellie had been so disappointed with how that event had turned out, after all the effort she'd put into finding girls for her brother. Still, Devon had to admit that he hadn't been surprised; Chuck was a great guy, but the Buy More and the five-year-old Jill fixation were not a winning combo.

And then the world seemed to stand on its head. The Chuckster seemed to snap out of his half-decade slump almost immediately, and had stayed out _very_ late with a girl he'd met at work. This near-miraculous turn of events had made Ellie happy, nervous, and excited… and that had given her plenty of energy to burn off, which was never a bad thing. Last night, it had been a very, very good thing.

Having finished dressing for his early surgery, Devon stepped into the living room and stumbled upon a spontaneous display of affection. He promptly joined in. "Group hug? Awesome." He'd always enjoyed those. Leaving the apartment, he thought back to the blank look on Chuck's face. Combined with the fact that he'd still been wearing the clothes Ellie had picked for his date, the conclusion was inescapable: Chuck had just experienced one mind-blowing night.

_Good for him,_ Devon thought with a smile. _If anyone deserves a good break, it's Chuck._


	2. Awesome vs the Helicopter

A/N: Ever wish you had a chance to see the first meeting between Sarah and the Captain? If so, it's your lucky day!

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Chapter 2: Awesome vs. the Helicopter

Devon lounged in the living room, enjoying one of his favorite activities: watching his girlfriend cook. Ellie was a hellacious chef. In Devon's opinion, it was one of her best features. And when she cooked, especially while nervous, she was in constant motion around the kitchen – stretching for something on the top shelf of the pantry, spinning quickly between dishes, licking a sample taste of sauce off of a finger, and generally displaying some of her other best features.

Devon didn't use his favorite word nearly as often in his inner monologue as he did in conversation. But there was just no other way to describe watching Ellie cook. It was awesome.

The doorbell rudely interrupted his leisure time. Ellie whirled to face him. "Devon, would you…"

"I got it, babe." He opened the door, stealing a last glance into the kitchen as Ellie bent over to retrieve something from the oven, and turned reluctantly to greet the guest.

"Hi," greeted the blonde vision standing just outside the apartment. Devon stared in slack-jawed amazement. This girl was… _wow._ His eyes traveled appreciatively up her figure, stopping as they took in the strange look on her face.

_Damn. I've been standing here for quite a while._

"You must be Sarah," he finally managed.

"Yup," she replied patiently. "And you are?"

"Devon. Uhh… come in!"

As he watched Sarah introduce herself to Ellie, Devon realized that kitchen time had somehow managed to improve – something he wouldn't have thought possible.

_Never would have guessed Chuck had it in him_, he mused. _Ellie's little bro is a surprising dude._


	3. Awesome vs the Tango

A/N: Come on, you know what this chapter is going to be about...

Incidentally, I don't own Chuck. I doubt that was unclear, but just in case...

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Chapter 3: Awesome vs. the Tango

It had been an interesting afternoon.

Devon definitely hadn't expected to emerge from the shower to find Chuck seeking tango lessons. But stranger things had happened, right? Even if he was having trouble remembering any at the moment… surely he'd been through _something_ weirder than teaching a very sensual dance to another dude.

The lesson hadn't been entirely smooth. There was the comment about Buenos Aires, which had earned him enough hostile glares from Ellie to last a month. And there was the unfortunate instinctive ass grab, which Chuck had definitely noticed. He was pretty sure Ellie had picked up on that as well, and had added it to her interpretation of his Argentinean exploits.

Even though he'd earned a stint in the doghouse, it was still worth it. Chuck had needed his help. And if one of your bros has a shot at someone like Sarah, and you have to fall on a grenade or two so he can seal the deal, you do it. Considering that Chuck had learned the dance quickly, Devon was fully confident that Sarah's socks were going to be tangoed off – and that the clothing removal wouldn't stop there.

Emerging from the bedroom, he was surprised to find a disappointed-looking Chuck talking to Ellie on the couch. "Sup, bro? Did you do the famous dip?"

"Yeah, I was on the receiving end of that dip."

Well that was unexpected. "You did tango with a woman, right?"

"And on that note…"

Devon's attention quickly drifted off as he wondered what exactly had gone wrong with the tango lesson. As Chuck bolted to rescue Morgan from the storage cage, Ellie leaned down and explained it to him. "You taught him the woman's part of the dance, honey."

"Ouch," he replied thoughtfully. "I think I know what we can do to fix it, though."

"Yeah?"

"I'll teach you the woman's part, then you can teach him the man's part."

"That would work."

Devon grinned slyly. The night was looking up.


	4. Awesome vs the Wookiee

A/N: Devon comes home from a rough day, and finds a surprise on his couch.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

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Chapter 4: Awesome vs. the Wookiee

"Hey, sweetness."

Ellie looked up, only the barest hint of a smile managing to cross her lips. "Hey, honey."

"Long day?" Devon questioned gently.

"Yeah. We lost Mrs. Carstens today."

Mrs. Carstens was a sweet lady and grandmother of six who'd been hoping to make it to her eightieth birthday. That milestone was still a week and a half away.

"That's rough. I'm sorry, babe."

"How was yours?"

"Not much better. I assisted on a double bypass. O'Donnell was the primary. He nicked the pulmonary artery and the patient bled out."

"Bypass… old guy?"

"45. Two kids."

Ellie winced. "This job really sucks sometimes."

Devon nodded his agreement. "Well, let's get home. You'll feel better once we've returned to the site of last night's glorious triumph."

Ellie grinned despite herself, and her bad mood began to dissipate. Leave it to Devon to cheer her up by reveling in a thoroughly unsurprising win in the Newlywed Game. "Maybe we should wait for Chuck and Sarah to date for more than a month before we perform a choreographed victory dance to celebrate beating them in a game that tests how well you know your significant other."

The conversation ended in a comfortable silence, which lasted until the couple reached the parking lot of the apartment complex. "Shoot!" Ellie exclaimed as she saw Sarah's Porsche. "Chuck was supposed to have the apartment to himself tonight."

"No worries, babe. We'll just sneak through to the bedroom. They'll never know we're here."

Ellie looked dubious, but agreed. She opened the door quietly and stole past the living room. Devon followed quickly, but paused when he saw the extra inhabitants of the couch. He noticed the redhead first, which wasn't terribly surprising; she was very noticeable. A moment later, his eyes fell on her companion.

_Morgan!?_

Devon suddenly found himself questioning everything he knew about the world. Chuck landing Sarah was one thing, but the guy did have obvious potential, and it wasn't like Sarah's career was a winner either. But Morgan? Stumbling toward his room, Devon collapsed facedown on the bed and uttered a disbelieving "Is it me, or have the girls around here gotten hotter?" It wasn't exactly what he'd meant to ask, but he was a little disoriented.

His girlfriend's hand smacked into the back of his head mere moments later. _She was standing by the window when I came in. How the heck did she hear that from all the way over there? _Devon quickly worked through his mental catalog of apologies. There was nothing that had a chance to get him out of this one.

He shook his head. _This day just can't end fast enough._


	5. Awesome vs the Sizzling Shrimp

A/N: In honor of the first Awesome-free episode, let's pull a perspective shift in this one. Devon helps Ellie deal with some Mothers Day blues.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 5: Awesome vs. the Sizzling Shrimp

She'd switched shifts, willingly taking a double on Saturday. She'd spent all afternoon cooking. She'd chased her boyfriend out of the apartment for the evening. And Chuck hadn't shown up.

Ellie stared despondently at the meal she'd prepared and couldn't bring herself to start eating alone. The phone rang for the eighth time; glancing hopelessly at the caller ID, she recognized Morgan's number yet again. Just as she was considering picking up the handset and venting to her little bearded admirer, she heard the sound of the front door opening behind her. She drew in a deep breath and managed not to spit out a bitter "You're late." That turned out to be for the best.

"Hey, Ell, sorry to interrupt. I left my pager on the nightstand," Devon said apologetically. As Ellie turned to face him, he took in the entire scene, and his face softened into a concerned frown. "What's wrong?" he asked hesitantly.

"Chuck didn't show up," she murmured miserably.

Devon walked carefully over to the table and draped a comforting arm around Ellie's shoulders. "I'm sorry, babe."

"It's funny," she sniffled. "I put so much effort into finding him a girl, and now that he's finally got one, I never see him."

"You know how it is at the beginning of a relationship, hon. Once things with him and Sarah settle down a little, he'll be right back to the old Chuck."

Ellie looked up sadly. "Is that even what I should want? I mean, look at the old Chuck. He works at the Buy More with no interest in leaving, he mopes about his ex, and he spends all his free time playing video games with Morgan. Should I really hold him back from moving on with his life just because I like having him around?" She sighed and started her sixth staring contest of the evening, this one with her wineglass. "Doesn't that make me a horrible sister?"

"Come on, Ellie. Hey." Devon lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "You are an _amazing_ sister. You've been the best thing in Chuck's life for a very long time, and he is lucky to have you. Just give him some time, and he'll remember that."

Her face settled into a relieved look. "Thanks, sweetie." She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "You've got another shift, right?"

"I can get it covered," he offered.

"No, you can go. I'll be all right."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she replied with a grateful smile. Devon nodded and left the room to look for his missing pager. As he emerged from the bedroom and walked toward the door, Ellie intercepted him and pulled him down for a hug.

"Call me if you need anything," he instructed.

She nodded her assent. "I will."

As she watched Devon leave the apartment, Ellie reflected on the two most important men in her life. _Chuck really does need to move on with his life. And if that means letting time with me slip a little, well, I've got another guy who can pick up the slack. Which is pretty awesome._


	6. Awesome vs the Sandworm

A/N: All right... who here thoroughly enjoyed Ellie's Halloween costume? (Devon raises hand)

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 6: Awesome vs. the Sandworm

Devon loved holidays. Family visits, extra time off work, parties, enormous meals of Ellie's cooking… they were just all-around fantastic. And out of all the holidays, Halloween was his favorite. The reason was simple: Decorating the apartment for their annual party always kept Ellie busy. And that meant Devon got to pick their costumes.

They'd done basketball player and cheerleader, sailor and mermaid, Ares and Aphrodite, and Superman and Lois Lane. (Fine, that one had been a last-minute idea from Chuck. Little bro hadn't done too badly, though.) But this year was his crowning achievement. This year, he'd managed to secure an unbelievably sexy Adam and Eve getup.

Ellie looked even better than he could have hoped in her foliage-based two-piece costume, and he'd caught her staring pointedly at his fig leaf several times throughout the evening. Devon was enjoying the party – the sandworm dance was always good for a laugh, and Sarah had given him a sweet idea for next year's costume. But he was very much looking forward to the crowd clearing out of the apartment. He managed to limit himself to smoldering glances for three hours. Then finally, his moment arrived.

Ellie strolled sultrily in his direction. "Hey, good looking. Care for a taste of some forbidden fruit?"

He slid his hands down her sides, bringing them to rest on her hips. "I dunno, babe. I might have to ask the serpent about that."

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm pretty sure he won't mind. In fact," she added, glancing briefly downward, "he seems to think it's a great idea."

"Well, in that case…" Devon swept Ellie into his arms and carried her toward the bedroom. "Let's be fruitful and multiply."

"Dr. Woodcomb?"

Devon blinked. He certainly didn't mind being referred to by his professional title in the bedroom, but Ellie's sudden break from character had interrupted his train of thought. Now he'd never have the chance to finish crafting that line using the Tree of Life.

"Yeah, babe?"

"What dosage of captopril should we give this patient?"

Snapping back to reality, Devon told the 53-year-old nurse to start with 25 milligrams and check the patient's condition regularly. He walked away with some modicum of dignity, grateful that he hadn't gone beyond the term of endearment – asking the nurse if she was ready for her physical would have put him in about six different types of hot water. Despite his embarrassment, he soon found himself daydreaming again.

_Tonight is going to be awesome._


	7. Awesome vs the Alma Mater

A/N: Worst. Game. Ever. By the way, how contrived is it that they're discussing the game in general terms right as they walk into the apartment? Wouldn't they have exhausted that topic during the 5-plus hour drive?

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 7: Awesome vs. the Alma Mater

It was a good game, in that any game your team wins is good. But Devon had enjoyed it less than any other UCLA blowout victory he could remember. For one thing, Chuck had been pretty gloomy even before the rout was on. And for some reason, Ellie had decided that it wasn't enough for Sarah to comfort him as his alma mater's pride was crushed. Her need to give her brother a comforting pat on the shoulder after each UCLA score had completely ruined Devon's plan to borrow the Texas A&M tradition of the post-touchdown makeout. By halftime, he found himself wishing that Stanford would do something, anything, to rally the Bartowski family spirit.

No such luck. On the third play of the second half, the star Cardinal running back's knee was rudely introduced to the helmet of a Bruin linebacker. Devon's last chance of a fun game ended right along with the season of Stanford's best player.

To make matters worse, Ellie decided to ride home with Chuck and Sarah, leaving Devon alone with his frat brothers on a four-hour drive. Much as he loved his bros, they were a lot better to have around when getting amped up before a game than when trying to cool down afterward. He cringed every time one of them brought up the unnatural angle of the Stanford player's leg, unable to stop thinking about the day-long surgery that knee would probably require.

On the bright side, he had the rest of the day off, and he'd stashed a bottle of Ellie's favorite wine under the counter before leaving. So there was still hope for a leisurely, pleasant evening. He just needed to clean his face first – it wouldn't be very professional to have a UCLA logo poking above his surgical mask tomorrow. Swiping one of the wet-naps he'd packed for this purpose, he began working on his cheek.

Nothing happened.

"It's not coming off," he observed, slightly panicked. "I think I used the wrong kind of paint."

"What brand was it?" Ellie asked.

"Brand? I don't know, one of the guys picked it up."

Her smile was distressingly amused. "Go get some stronger soap."

He bolted toward the bathroom and attacked his cheek with a washcloth and hand soap. No luck. Returning to the kitchen, he grabbed the dish soap and scrubbed frantically. Still nothing. He turned desperately to Ellie, who still seemed to be enjoying this far too much. "Babe…"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on." Taking his hand, she led him to the bedroom. She stepped out briefly, returning with a pumice stone that she used to scrape off dried skin. "This will sting a little."

Devon grimaced as she went to work. She was impressively gentle in performing the abrasive task – but it still hurt, and the difference between the touches he was actually receiving from his girlfriend and the ones he'd hoped to experience just wouldn't leave his thoughts, which made the situation rather torturous.

Devon was quickly coming around to Chuck's opinion of the situation. This was the worst game ever.


	8. Awesome vs the Truth

A/N: Let's delve deeper into the origins of the Captain's famous pickup line.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 8: Awesome vs. the Truth

"All right, your turn, Carl. The blonde at the end of the bar, and her purse."

One of Devon's frat brothers had invented a new game. Each player was assigned a girl and an object. The goal was to fashion a successful pickup line around the object. Unsuccessful players had to buy the group a round of drinks. Successful ones… well, the reward for success was kind of a built-in feature of the game.

It wasn't a great game; Chad had been drunk when he made it up. But it was rapidly becoming a staple of their nights on the town.

_Smack!_

Carl's method of slipping a condom in the girl's purse and promising that they'd find a way to use it later had not gone over well.

"Devon, you're up, bro. Let's see… how about that brunette who just walked in?" Devon turned toward the door to look at his target.

_Crap._ It was the girl from his epidemiology class. They'd been trading smiles for much of the semester's first week, but hadn't communicated beyond that yet; she always came in just a little late, and Devon's next class was all the way across campus, which meant he always had to bolt as soon as class ended.

Now his first chance to talk to her would have to be focused around some random object selected by a drunken frat boy.

"You can use… your sweater."

Devon was tempted to just concede the round of drinks, but he knew he'd never live it down if he backed out. Glancing nervously down at his sweater, he stood from his seat and walked across the bar. As he approached the girl, their eyes met.

_They're the exact same color._ Struck by a sudden flash of inspiration, Devon pulled the sweater over his head, revealing the white T-shirt underneath. He held the knitted shirt out to the girl. "I believe this belongs to you."

She looked skeptical. "No, I'm pretty sure it doesn't."

"Well it should," Devon replied with a smile that he hoped radiated more confidence than he felt. "Because LL Bean stole the color from your eyes."

She smiled, and the room seemed to light up. "That's very sweet." She slid the sweater down her arms, then pulled it over her head. "I'm Ellie."

"Nice to meet you, Ellie. I'm Devon." He offered her a handshake, which she accepted.

A physicist would have argued that the static discharge that passed between their fingers was a natural consequence of their skin having been recently rubbed against the wool fibers of the pullover. Devon would have told that physicist to shut up.

"Did you just feel a spark?" he asked playfully.

She laughed. "I believe I did."

Devon would go down in history as the only player ever to win that game. He bought the guys a round of drinks anyway.


	9. Awesome vs the Imported Hard Salami

A/N: Sigh... another Captain-free episode. Let's have him give Sarah a pick-me-up, shall we?

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 9: Awesome vs. the Imported Hard Salami

"Remind me again why we're doing this?"

Ellie sighed. "Devon, you know how Chuck is. He works so hard running that store by himself that he ends up eating lunch out of the vending machine half the time."

"I dunno, babe. If I were Chuck, I'd spend most of my lunch breaks at a certain hot dog joint," Devon said with a wave toward the Wienerlicious.

"Either way, it's not very healthy," Ellie replied. "I just thought it'd be nice to bring him…" She trailed off as Lester sprinted across the parking lot, a look of pure terror in his eyes. "What on Earth?"

Devon's brow furrowed. "Let's go check it out, babe." They stepped out of the car and headed toward the German-themed sausage vendor.

"Hey Lou!" Sarah's voice echoed from the restaurant, drawing the attention of a tiny brunette.

"Funky name for a girl," Devon commented as the brunette stepped cautiously into the Wienerlicious.

"Shh!" Ellie hushed him impatiently. "I'm trying to hear what they're saying."

"It's not an opinion, it's a fact," Sarah's voice said icily. "Don't hurt him."

"Okay," the other girl replied perkily. "Wasn't planning on it. Thanks for the heads up, though." She left as calmly as she could manage, brushing past Ellie and Devon on her way across the parking lot toward the Buy More. The couple exchanged confused looks before pushing open the front door, finding Sarah with a forlorn look on her face.

"Hey, Sarah," Ellie greeted.

"Oh, hey guys," the blonde replied vacantly. "Uhh, wilkommen…"

"You really don't have to do that," Ellie interrupted.

Sarah smiled gratefully. "So what brings you out here?"

"We were just stopping by to see Chuck, and we saw Lester running out of here like someone was chasing him," Devon replied. "What was up with that?"

Sarah grimaced. "My fault. I had to get rid of him somehow, and I decided an overenthusiastic yes would work better than a firm no."

"Whoa. Severely uncool move from the little brown man, going for a taken woman," Devon commented. Sarah looked away, resuming her rubdown of the counter.

Shooting Devon a concerned glance, Ellie spoke again. "So, Sarah, we don't mean to pry, but we heard the end of your conversation with that girl… Lou?"

"Yeah?" Sarah still declined to look up.

"Who isn't she supposed to hurt? If you don't mind my asking."

"Chuck," Sarah replied quietly. "They have a date tonight."

He knew the question was a bad idea, but Devon's surprise momentarily overpowered his common sense. "You guys broke up?" She nodded hesitantly. "Why?"

A startling wave of emotion washed momentarily over Sarah's face. "You'd have to ask him," she said bitterly.

Devon stared incredulously. "What, that's it? Didn't think you were the type to give up easily, Sarah."

She paused. "I want him to be happy."

Ellie walked across the restaurant and placed a hand on Sarah's arm. "He's happy with _you_, Sarah. I've never seen him like he is with you." Seeing the doubt on the blonde's face, she pressed on. "I don't know what my brother's problem is, but you can't just quit on him. He'll pull his head out eventually if you keep after him, Sarah. That is, if you still want him."

Sarah nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks, guys."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to give my idiot brother his lunch."

"Oh, I think Lou was bringing him something – she runs a sandwich shop," Sarah replied. "Guess you guys wasted a trip out here."

Devon shook his head. "Sarah, I can't think of a less-wasted trip we've made."


	10. Awesome vs the Nemesis

A/N: No more big family dinners...

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 10: Awesome vs. the Nemesis

Devon leaned back in the chaise lounge and sipped his drink. He was normally a mojito man, but sometimes it was hard to beat a good pina colada. And relaxing on the balcony of your third-floor hotel room overlooking a pristine Hawaiian beach was definitely one of those times.

What was already an excellent day improved immeasurably when he felt the tickle of long brown hair on his shoulder. He turned to find his girlfriend wearing a red string bikini that left his mouth hanging open wide enough to fit an ostrich egg. Somehow, he managed to say "Hey, babe" without his voice cracking.

She chuckled throatily. "Re-hinge your jaw and come inside. It's time to open presents."

"Looks like you unwrapped mine already," he replied with a grin.

Ellie added a little extra sway to her hips as she walked back into the hotel room. "That's not actually your gift. But we might be able to include it, as long as Santa has you on the 'Nice' list."

"Hate to disappoint you, babe, but that outfit has sent my thoughts straight into the 'Naughty' category."

She clucked disapprovingly. "I guess it'll all depend on what you got for me, then."

Devon reached obligingly into his suitcase and emerged with a long rectangular jewelry box. Ellie squealed as she popped it open, revealing a heavy silver necklace. "It's beautiful! Devon, I love it."

He smiled victoriously and leaned down for a kiss, only to find his lips pressed against wrapping paper. "Not yet – you have to open yours first!" He reluctantly withdrew his mouth and tore through the paper, finding two tickets for a river rafting trip.

"Sweet!" he exclaimed happily. "This is awesome, babe. Thanks."

"Any ideas on who you'll go with?"

"Well, Chuck would be fun to have along… or maybe John Casey. He seems like someone who'd enjoy this type of thing." He looked down at Ellie, who was smiling hugely. "On the other hand, you're doing a pretty good job of convincing me never to take a vacation with anyone but you, ever again. Plus," he added with a mischievous twinkle, "it'd be like a one-woman wet T-shirt contest the entire time. How could I pass that up?" He moved toward her lips again, this time in the knowledge that there were no presents left to interrupt his progress.

"Did you hear me, Devon?"

"Huh?"

"I said, no more big family dinners, all right?"

Devon shook his head quickly to clear his mind. Ellie had lousy timing – his fingers had been working on the tie of her bikini top.

"What do you think about a destination Christmas?"


	11. Awesome vs the Crown Vic

A/N: Awesome-free episodes are such a drag - not only do they lack Awesome, but I have to completely invent scenes for them. In this one, I'm going to try to explain why Morgan is actually fairly helpful (at least by his own standards) in his relationship counselor role in Undercover Lover, as opposed to the outright sabotage he performs in Seduction.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 11: Awesome vs. the Crown Vic

Devon was mixing a ginseng and protein shake when Morgan emerged from Chuck's room. The little bearded man glanced through the apartment, determined it to be Chuckless, and settled dejectedly on the couch. Devon walked into the living room and clapped a sympathetic hand onto Morgan's slumped shoulder. "Looking for Chuck?"

"Yeah," Morgan replied without looking up. "Hoping for a little Call of Duty at the end of a rough day."

"Can I offer you a drink?"

Morgan accepted a glass of the greenish-brown liquid and took a sip. His face tightened into a sour look. "That's all right, I'm good."

Devon sat down next to him. "So what seems to be the trouble?"

"I met Anna's parents today. It went… less than well," Morgan admitted.

"I know how that goes," Devon replied with a chuckle.

"Are you serious? First, you're, well, awesome. And second, you've never had to meet your current girlfriend's parents. Which suggests to me that you have _absolutely no idea_ how that goes."

Devon smiled knowingly. "Have you heard about the first time Ellie met my parents?"

Morgan snorted. "Please. Ellie is perfect – I'm pretty sure it's impossible not to like her immediately."

Devon let the awkwardness of that comment slide. "Believe me, I thought the same thing. But they pulled it off."

"Really." Morgan turned to face the other man with renewed interest.

"When we first walked in, Ellie handed my mom the casserole she'd spent all afternoon cooking. Mom said that she'd need a hastily-assembled triage unit in the kitchen, but she'd probably be able to save the food."

"They didn't like her _cooking?_" Morgan asked with a look of complete amazement.

"Later that night, Dad pulled me aside and asked why I couldn't find someone who ranked higher than third in our class at med school." Devon grimaced. "I didn't bother telling him that the two people ahead of her were guys."

"Wow."

"The point is, Morgan, that it doesn't matter what Anna's parents think. The only thing that matters is what Anna thinks. If she's serious about you, like I was about Ellie, her parents will come around – and if they don't, it's their problem."

Morgan nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks, Captain. I owe you one."

Devon offered a hearty handshake and a solid thump on the back. "Go get back in the game, bro." His face creased into a smile that qualified as tolerant, if not entirely fond, as the reenergized green shirt left the apartment. "Babe? It's safe now."

Ellie poked her head out of their bedroom. "How'd it go?"

"Not bad – he's not giving up, anyway." He smiled guiltily. "I told him my parents didn't like you when they first met you."

Ellie's eyes widened in alarm. "Is that true? I thought we got along fine…"

"Relax, babe, I'm pretty sure they adored you right away. I mean, who wouldn't?"

She beamed a smile at him. "That's a relief." Sliding onto the couch, she rested her head on Devon's shoulder. "You know, this is the most selfish I've ever felt while saying this, but I really hope those two make it."

Devon smiled. If Ellie's current state of relaxation would be typical as long as Morgan was in a relationship, he shared her opinion completely.


	12. Awesome vs the Undercover Lover

A/N: Devon goes to the beach! Except, not in the way that most people go to the beach. More like how Chuck goes to the beach.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

Housekeeping note: I'm preparing for a cross-country move, so updates to both this story and Sarah vs. the FBI are likely to have some delays over the next couple of weeks. My apologies.

* * *

Chapter 12: Awesome vs. the Undercover Lover

Devon completely failed to suppress a shudder as he bolted from the Buy More. Of course, he didn't really have a surgery tomorrow; his next shift wasn't until late afternoon. And as he slid behind the wheel of his car, he realized that the escape from his first ever unisex game of strip poker, while certainly a net positive, left him without a place to spend the night. Not that Ellie would throw him out of the apartment, of course. But Devon realized that she needed her space after their fight – and so did he. So he drove aimlessly, soon finding himself at the beach. Chuck had mentioned the beach as a good place to reflect, and Devon figured this was as good a time as any to see what all the fuss was about.

Disturbing as the poker game had been, it had still given him some food for thought – and from Jeff, of all people. A man cake like Devon, especially one that also happened to be a successful surgeon, could indeed install a turnstile on his bedroom door if he so chose. And while he'd probably never find another girl who was as smart, as good a cook, as fun, and as _hot_ as Ellie, the life of the bachelor was not without its advantages.

But the more he thought about it, the less those advantages appealed to him. Ellie was more than worth giving up a few late nights with his buddies, a couple of his riskier vacation ideas, and the occasional one-nighter with a nurse. She made him far happier than all of those things combined.

Devon blinked. There he was, focusing on his own happiness again. That was the train of thought that had gotten him into this mess in the first place. If he wanted to hang onto Ellie, he needed to start thinking about her as much as he did himself. And he needed to prove to her that he was doing it.

Winning his girl back from this particular fight wouldn't be a big problem – switching anniversary gifts to the TV should pull that off. But he didn't just want to work his way back in from the doghouse. He wanted to prove, both to her and to himself, that he was fully committed to Eleanor Bartowski.

As Devon walked back toward his car, the day's first sunlight peered above the eastern horizon. The Buy More would be open in a couple of hours. However, his bank opened first. He needed to get something out of his safety deposit box.

Devon smiled fondly as he was reminded of his great granny. When he'd first introduced her to Ellie, he hadn't thought of himself as someone who'd settle down. So of course, he'd scoffed at her insistence that he accept her gift. _Looks like Agatha Prudence Woodcomb was right after all._


	13. Awesome vs the Marlin

A/N: Devon has a tough decision to make. And what better way to do that than with a pro-con list?

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

This update comes courtesy of the wireless connection at a Quality Inn.

* * *

Chapter 13: Awesome vs. the Marlin

**Proposal ideas**

(Page found in notebook used by Dr. Devon Woodcomb during ongoing background checks into family members and close associates of the Intersect. Presented without comment as an example of the subject's thought process.)

**Champagne glass.**

Pro: Simple, elegant.

Con: Predictable – Ellie would see it coming, especially since we hardly ever drink champagne.

**Mojito.**

Pro: More surprising than champagne.

Con: Who puts an engagement ring in a mojito? Time to move away from alcohol-related ideas.

**Jumbotron at sporting event.**

Pro: Audience makes it harder for her to say no.

Con: Baseball's in its offseason, LA doesn't have pro football, Laker tickets are too expensive, the Clippers suck, and hockey is not exactly a sport that breeds romance. Plus, Ellie doesn't really like sports. Ah well, nobody's perfect.

**Barbershop quartet.**

Pro: Surprisingly original - I don't think I've heard of this being done.

Con: One of the guys in the only quartet I know has a huge crush on Ellie, so I don't trust him not to screw up on purpose.

**Easter egg.**

Pro: Sneaky.

Con: Difficult to pull off since we don't exchange Easter baskets. Working it into the annual egg hunt would probably mean some little kid (Morgan) gets it. But the holiday theme may be worthwhile.

**Times Square at New Years.**

Pro: Romantic, surprising.

Con: Very crowded. 11 months away. Let's try thinking bigger.

**Scuba diving near Great Barrier Reef.**

Pro: Extremely romantic setting.

Con: Can't actually ask the question while underwater. No pockets to store ring in wetsuit. Sharks.

**Top of Mt. Everest.**

Pro: I don't imagine anyone has done _this_ before.

Con: Requires actually getting to the top of Mt. Everest. I hear this is kind of a pain. Maybe that's why nobody else has proposed there.

**Hide ring in mouth of tamed lion.**

Pro: Definitely surprising.

Con: Probably expensive. Lion might swallow ring. Also, Ellie might be reluctant to look in there

**Hide ring in own mouth, then French kiss.**

Pro: Involves French kissing. Of course, one would hope that would be an eventual feature of any proposal.

Con: Mild choking hazard. Also, possible swallowing from both parties. In fact, all options involving mouths are probably bad.

**Skydiving.**

Pro: The rare outdoor adventure I haven't done yet.

Con: Might drop the ring. (Good call, little bro! Guess that rules out whitewater rafting and rappelling, too.)

**Hide ring in cake.**

Pro: Surprising, romantic, and simple.

Con: Chuck didn't show up. Uncool. Probably Morgan's fault in some way.

(Note: Final entry scribbled in margin at bottom of page, in a different color of ink than the others. Assumed to have been made considerably later.)

**Ask as she wakes up from nap.**

Pro: It worked.

Con: None, apparently. I'm engaged, dude!


	14. Awesome vs the First Date

A/N: I'm pretty sure it had to be this scene from this episode.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 14: Awesome vs. the First Date

Devon stirred sleepily. It was 6:48 AM, and his alarm was going off for the third time. Unfortunately, he couldn't hit the snooze button again and still make his 8 AM shift. He rolled groggily out of bed and stumbled down the hall toward the bathroom. After giving his teeth a quick brush and depositing the unpleasant-smelling results of his famous smoothies in the toilet, he stepped toward the shower.

Devon loved showers. Standing in an overwhelming stream of hot water and breathing in steam-saturated air was the perfect way to relax before a stressful day of cardiac surgery. Since he had three complicated procedures scheduled today, he planned to take an extra long one, and enjoy it to the fullest extent possible. Closing his eyes and turning to face the nozzle, he allowed the spray to cascade over his face. It was almost perfect.

Suddenly, he heard the noise of the stall door opening and felt a pair of hands slip over his eyes. "Guess who," a familiar feminine voice whispered sultrily in his ear.

Now it was completely perfect. Devon turned to face his fiancée, leaning aggressively down for a kiss. She responded eagerly, pressing her body up against his. He forced her up against the wall, drawing a pleased gasp.

On second thought... Devon knew Ellie's repertoire of gasps pretty well. And that one had sounded more like one of the surprised variety. Pulling back, Devon saw a look of shock and horror in Ellie's eyes. He turned back toward the door in confusion, and felt Ellie grab his shoulders as she cowered behind him. He rubbed the condensation from the glass, allowing himself a clear view of the bathroom. Unfortunately, it also gave the newcomer a relatively clear line of sight into the stall.

"Ahh! My eyes! Oh, I'm blind!"

Devon sighed in disappointment, but managed to tinge his voice with false enthusiasm. "Morning, Chuck."


	15. Awesome vs the Seduction

A/N: Devon is unhappy. Also, Chuck lets something slip.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 15: Awesome vs. the Seduction

Devon stalked into the Buy More with murderous revenge in his eyes, looking for the miserable bearded troll who'd ruined his one night off for the week. "Morgan!" His voice rang out menacingly, sending the employees of the electronics retailer scuttling away in terror.

He located his quarry in the break room, making out with his girlfriend. Of course he was, the shameless son of a bitch. "Morgan." Devon spoke more calmly this time, but the lower volume of his voice came without a corresponding loss of intimidation.

"Oh, hey, Captain," the disgusting gnome replied innocently. "How'd the big date go last night?"

"Not real well, Morgan," Devon ground out. "I'm not sure why exactly I let you convince me that reminiscing about eighth grade would get Ellie in a sexy mood. I am, however, pretty sure of why you did that. Even though you _somehow_ have a girlfriend, and Ellie's engaged, you just can't let her go, can you?"

"Morgan!" Anna exclaimed, delivering a sharp smack to the back of her boyfriend's head. "You promised you were over her!" She stormed out of the room, ignoring Morgan's pleading "Honey…"

Now companionless, Morgan turned toward Devon, fixing him with a pathetic stare. "Uncool, dude. I never would have thought of you as the type to take your frustrations out on everyone else."

Devon stepped in front of Morgan's chair, grabbed both of its arms, and leaned down so his face was less than a foot away from the other man's. "That was a warning. Cross me again, I'll do much worse." He reached up with two fingers and plucked a single mustache hair.

"Ow! Jeez," Morgan complained to the heart surgeon's receding back. Devon paced back into the main body of the store and headed toward the exit, hoping for a quick escape.

"Hey, Devon, what brings you down to my neck of the woods? Not that there are really any woods in LA…" Chuck's babbling trailed off, leaving his future brother-in-law unable to suppress a grin.

"Just came down to pay your buddy Morgan a little visit," he replied evenly.

Chuck winced. "Still chasing Ellie?"

"Not exactly, but somehow he still managed to shut me down last night, if you know…"

"I know what you mean," the Nerd Herder interrupted hastily.

"So I figured I'd give him a little talking-to, let him know what'll happen if he does it again. I think it went pretty well," he said optimistically.

"That's good," Chuck nodded. "Should give you a month, maybe two, before he relapses."

"A month? That's going _well_?" Devon asked in amazement.

"I love him to death, but he's not the most… reliable guy. Like with your engagement ring," he mused idly.

"What happened with the ring?"

Oblivious to the danger that crept into Devon's voice, Chuck continued. "He found it in my locker, and thought I was proposing to Sarah. So naturally, he hid it in the freezer at the Wienerlicious. Where she worked. Terrific hiding spot, right?" He chuckled, then appeared to briefly lapse into thought before continuing. "It got mixed in with some sauerkraut that was past its expiration date and ended up in a dumpster. Took Sarah and I a lot of searching, but we finally dug it up."

Devon stared blankly. "I'm going to kill him."

Chuck's eyes widened in alarm. "I'd really prefer that you didn't… I mean, Ellie said yes anyway, right? So no harm done?" He unconsciously stepped into the path between the doctor and the break room.

Devon relaxed almost imperceptibly. "I guess you're right. But that makes two strikes," he said darkly. "If he gets a third, I'm plucking every hair from his body one by one."

"He… he has a lot of hairs," Chuck observed nervously.

"That he does, Chuckster. That he does."


	16. Awesome vs the Break Up

A/N: Devon helps Chuck out... and gets in trouble. (Hey, the first few episodes of Season 2 were spent making callbacks to the beginning of Season 1. Why can't I do the same thing with my challenge entry?)

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 16: Awesome vs. the Break Up

Devon walked confidently out of the exam room, and was quickly accosted by his fiancée. "How'd it go?" Ellie demanded eagerly.

"Pretty well, babe. We had a nice talk," he replied evenly.

"You told him about Chuck, right? Did you… wait, please tell me you didn't use the 'one thing in the world I know best is the human heart' line."

"Hey!" Devon exclaimed indignantly. "I like that line."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Is that all that happened?"

Devon grinned slyly. "I may have disinfected the cut on his cheek a little enthusiastically."

"Good," Ellie said with a nod that was almost savage. "He deserved at least a little pain for trying to ruin my baby brother's relationship."

"Yeah. He said she hadn't told him there was someone else, so I let him off easy – there was originally a tetanus booster with his name on it."

"Oh?" Ellie queried softly. "Seems like you put a lot of thought into the process of tormenting a visiting ex."

Devon's eyebrows raised in alarm. "A tetanus shot is pretty standard procedure for a cut like that," he downplayed.

"Of course it is," Ellie replied sweetly. "Just like a colonoscopy is a standard procedure for a 30-year-old man experiencing slight abdominal pain, right?"

"What? Not that I'm aware of…" Devon's eyes scanned the room nervously, searching for anything that could offer an escape.

"Really. Because last time my ex Doug visited LA, one of the doctors here told him he should have one."

"I had nothing to do with that!" he protested. "Walt was just…"

"Aha!" Ellie proclaimed triumphantly. "I didn't say which doctor it was. How did you know it was Dr. Frazier?"

"He told me about it afterward?" Devon offered weakly. His attempt was ignored by the receding head of his fiancée. He stared after her as she left, finding his usual appreciation of her walking away drowned by amazement at the fact that he'd somehow managed to get in trouble while chasing off Sarah's ex. His face creased into a frown as he saw the man in question emerge from the exam room. _Maybe he'll stay out of Chuck's way now - but he still put me in the doghouse._

_That tetanus shot might not be a bad idea after all._


	17. Awesome vs the Cougars

A/N: Sigh... another Awesomeless episode. Oh well, I suppose Devon could use a good deal on some electronics.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 17: Awesome vs. the Cougars

The chirp of the phone stirred Devon out of what had been a restful sleep. Cursing softly, he rolled over and checked the Caller ID.

_Morgan._

"Strike three," he mumbled as he answered the call. "Morgan, this better be good enough to have interrupted my nap."

"Hey, Captain," the smaller man babbled nervously. "Yeah, I know I'm on your bad side lately, but I really think you want to get down to the Buy More."

"If this is a joke, or some kind of stupid trick, I swear to God…"

"It's not! I promise. What I am offering you, Devon, is the opportunity of a lifetime."

Devon stabbed the disconnect button with his thumb, levered himself up from the couch, and strolled drowsily toward the car. He reached the Buy More parking lot within twenty minutes, and was startled to find it overflowing with cars. It took him three full circuits of the lot to find an open space, so his bad temper had returned full force by the time he made it through the store's entrance. He was quickly accosted by the bearded green-shirt who'd called him in.

"All right, Morgan, what's so urgent that you needed me down here right away?" Devon demanded.

"See all these people, big guy? They're here celebrating the Buy More's new friendly sales policy." Devon raised a skeptical eyebrow, so Morgan hurriedly continued his explanation. "Big Mike is out of town, so Lester decided to make all of our prices negotiable. And our sales staff is composed of the worst negotiators in the world."

"So, for example, if I wanted to buy a new car stereo…"

"You could walk up to any of these people and get it for half of what it's worth. Maybe less," Morgan confirmed.

"All right, Morgan, I'd like to take a look at…"

"Oh, not me, dude. This is gonna backfire legendarily, and I'd like to preserve at least a little bit of deniability. But any one of these guys."

Devon nodded appreciatively at the kid's smart move. He wandered the aisles, studying the available merchandise and looking for a less clairvoyant salesperson. He soon happened across the drunkest member of the Nerd Herd.

"Welcome to Buy More. What can I help you steal from us today?" Jeff slurred.

Devon took a deep breath. "What do you have in a washer and dryer?"

Jeff gave him a confused look. "I went through a dryer cycle or two as a child. But I think most people just use them for clothes."

Devon blinked, then shook his head. "No, I mean, can I see your washers and dryers?"

"Oh. Sure." Jeff led him to the correct aisle. "This one here is a stacked unit, both front-loading." He smiled. "I keep a remote camera in the top unit of the display model, because lots of our lady customers bend over to take a look inside. The angle is perfect."

"What can you do for me on price?" Devon asked with a shudder.

"Well, the sticker says $799. I figure we can let it go for $300, max," Jeff offered.

Devon grinned. "Sweet, bro. Ring it up for me."

Despite the great deal, Devon couldn't help being a little nervous as he walked toward the cash register. _Hope Ellie likes these better than she did last year. Maybe if I offer to do all the laundry…_

_Actually, considering who sold me these, I'd better do that anyway. Who knows where he might hide a camera._


	18. Awesome vs Tom Sawyer

A/N: Devon has a problem. Ginseng-protein shakes to the rescue!

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 18: Awesome vs. Tom Sawyer

"Honey…"

As a child, Devon had put a great deal of effort into mastering the art of pretending to sleep. Keep a neutral look on your face, occasionally shift your limbs around randomly, and above all, keep breathing steadily. He'd need every bit of his craft this morning.

"Wake up, honey…"

He barely managed to suppress a groan as Ellie's hand slid down his torso. Devon was exceptionally fond of his girlfriend, and one of his favorite things about their six months together was the way she woke him up after staying over. There was nothing he wanted more than to spring up from the bed, roll her onto her back, and go to town.

But he was just so exhausted.

"If you don't get up soon, we won't have time before my morning class," she crooned.

Devon rolled away from her and onto his side, making sure to pin his arm down in an awkward position that no waking person would ever assume voluntarily. He heard Ellie sigh in disappointment, then felt the mattress perk up as her weight lifted away from it. He waited patiently through her shower, trying unsuccessfully not to focus too hard on the mental image of that blessed event, and carefully maintained the façade of slumber until the moment he heard the front door of his apartment close.

It was a problem he'd never expected to have. He was, after all, young, healthy, and in great shape. But Ellie was just so… voracious. He'd found that discovery surprising at first, then quickly reclassified it as pleasing. Now, unfortunately, it was becoming embarrassing. This had been the third morning in just over a week that he'd had to feign sleep in order to avoid letting her down.

Devon sat up, reached for the remote, and flipped on the TV. At this time of the morning, the selection would be mostly infomercials, but there was always the possibility of an amusingly crappy movie. He slid back between the sheets and let his eyes drift shut as he repetitively pressed the "channel up" button.

"Do you find yourself unusually fatigued?"

That got his attention.

"Having trouble recapturing your old vitality?"

He pulled himself up abruptly, raising a curious eyebrow.

"Then try our ginseng protein shakes. Based on techniques developed in China over a thousand years ago…"

Devon's mind wandered away from the commercial, finding an internal debate. Infomercials always made promises they couldn't keep, right? The whole thing was probably a scam. On the other hand, it was a full year's supply, for only $19.95… His pondering was interrupted by the start of a customer testimonial from a smiling dude in his late 30's.

"I'd heard this stuff was really good for your yang energy. But let me tell you – it does wonders for your wang energy too."

As the spokesman returned to the screen, Devon found himself lunging across the bed and groping desperately around the nightstand for his phone.

The package arrived a week later, and Devon was pouring the first smoothie half an hour after the box was in his hands. It looked decidedly unappetizing, but maybe it would taste… no, the taste was worse than the appearance. It was like someone took a beet that had gone rotten two weeks before and soaked it in formaldehyde for a few days. Still, if it worked, he'd gladly accept the unpleasant flavor. Holding his nose, he quickly downed the remainder of the concoction, then hid the package under the sink. He crossed his fingers in hopes that the stuff would take effect quickly – Ellie was coming over soon.

Twelve exceptionally satisfying hours later, Devon gazed happily down at his spent and sated lover. The Mystery of the Orient Nutrition Company had just won a lifetime customer.


	19. Awesome vs the Ex

A/N: Well, we've had Devon reassure Sarah once before; let's do that again. Hopefully it won't be necessary to go for the hat trick in Season 3.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 19: Awesome vs. the Ex

Devon laid his head down on one of the tables in the Buy More break room, soaking in his temporary freedom from the disaster of a CPR course he'd agreed to teach for reasons he couldn't quite remember. Fortunately, it was time for his erstwhile pupils to open the store, which meant that class was over for the day.

He hadn't really expected it to go terribly well – they were a difficult group, after all. But he'd hoped that Chuck would be around to help control them, and that hadn't been the case. Not only that, but John Casey had skipped out as well, leaving him with a total of zero students he could trust for a competent demonstration of proper technique. In their absence, the entire lesson had disintegrated into chaos. As Devon stared despondently at the beheaded brown-haired mannequin, which he'd have to repair before returning it to the hospital, Jeff and Lester's plastic catfight sprang into his mind.

_I'm Sarah, Chuck's hot blonde girlfriend._

_Well I'm Chuck's smoking hot brunette._

He hadn't attached any real significance to the barely-overheard exchange at the time, mostly because of its source. But even Jeff had some reasons for the things he said… right? At least some of the time. Of course, knowing even what little he did about Jeff, there was a good chance he was referring to Ellie. Devon hadn't been present, but Ellie had described last week's "You take the brunette" incident in such vividly disturbing detail that he still felt it was burned into his brain.

On the other hand, Lester had been part of this as well, and while he was nobody's idea of an observational genius, he at least knew who Chuck's sister was. And the admittedly remote possibility that Chuck was stepping out on Sarah was worrisome enough that Devon felt the need for some reassurance. His cell phone quickly found itself pressed to his head, with Ellie's number having been dialed.

"Hey, babe, I was just wondering… does Chuck know anyone besides you that a Nerd Herder might describe as a 'smoking hot brunette?'"

Ellie's voice sighed through the earpiece. "Jill."

"Jill?" Devon asked in surprise. "As in Jill who dumped him for Bryce Larkin? When would any of Chuck's coworkers have seen her?"

"Well, that, I don't know," Ellie replied. "But he did go to dinner with her last night."

"And we're sure he's not on drugs?"

Ellie laughed mirthlessly. "I become less sure of that every day."

Devon hung up after a quick exchange of endearments and glanced at his watch. He still had over an hour before his shift started – plenty of time to stop in for a frozen yogurt. The ring of the bell above the door announced his arrival to the solitary worker behind the Orange Orange counter.

"Devon! What brings you here?"

"The promise of tasty yogurt, of course," he replied with his most charming smile.

"Really," Sarah said skeptically. "So it wasn't that Ellie told you Chuck had dinner with Jill last night?"

Devon's grin quickly took on a guilty tinge. "Fine, you caught me. I'm glad to hear Chuck was honest with you about that."

"We're still all right, Devon. He was just looking for closure," Sarah said reassuringly as she filled a small bowl with a lime-flavored dairy concoction.

"Did he find it?" Devon probed.

"Well, we haven't had a chance to talk about it yet…" she trailed off.

"I wouldn't worry about Chuck, Sarah," Devon informed her.

"I'm not," she protested.

"That's good to hear," he said knowingly. "Look, Ellie's done the whole dinner-with-the-ex thing before too. But the Bartowskis always come home."

"Thanks," Sarah said quietly, sticking a plastic spoon into the pale green mixture and sliding it across the counter.

"Oh, and don't tell Ellie I offered this, but if you want, I could have Jill stop by the hospital for a few unnecessary and painful tests."

Sarah chuckled awkwardly. "I, uhh, appreciate the thought."

Devon had turned to leave when Sarah's voice stopped him. "So when my ex Bruce was in town, and stopped by the hospital…"

"I've got a shift coming up," Devon interrupted hurriedly. "Gotta go, thanks for the yogurt!"


	20. Awesome vs the Fat Lady

A/N: This was a tough one to force Devon into. So if you don't like this chapter, blame the writers for not giving me more Captain to work with.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 20: Awesome vs. the Fat Lady

It started out as a boring day at the hospital. Devon didn't have any procedures scheduled, which left him to check up on his two post-operative patients. They were both fine, and after a couple of hours, Devon started getting the sense that they wanted him to go away. He decided to hunt down his fiancée, in hopes that she had something interesting going on.

After several minutes of fruitless wandering, he found her… kind of. He actually caught a just-recognizable glimpse of her brown hair as she rode a stretcher down the hall, straddling a patient as she performed CPR. Barely managing to pull out of a fantasy in which he replaced the patient beneath Ellie, he gave chase and watched her work through the window of the room where the patient had been wheeled. The brunette emerged five minutes later, a tired smile on her face.

"Everything go all right in there?"

She nodded happily. "We saved her."

"Nice work, babe," Devon replied encouragingly. He turned toward the room once more, and was finally offered a view of the patient that wasn't obstructed by medical personnel and equipment.

She was certainly interesting-looking, with bright red hair, a stocky, buxom frame, and makeup that could only be described as theatrical. Devon's brow furrowed as he tried to figure out who exactly this person was.

"Opera singer, I think," Ellie said with a soft chuckle at her fiancé's thoughtful expression. "But it's a little hard to tell for sure; she might just be crazy. Once she was revived, she started rambling about government agents and bombs. I called for a psych consult."

"You never know, babe. I suppose there could be a bomb at the opera house. Want to check the doctors' lounge TV and see if there's anything about it on the news?"

"Why not," she answered with a giggle. As they set off toward the lounge, she spoke again. "You know, the way she described the feds was a little weird. Apparently there was a tall, skinny guy with curly brown hair, and a blonde bombshell."

"Sounds like Chuck and Sarah. Maybe your little bro's been holding out on us," Devon joked.

Ellie scowled. "She also said there was a big muscular guy with a deep voice. You haven't been doing government work in secret, have you?"

The heart surgeon laughed. "Babe, if I ever got involved in top-secret government work, I don't think I could keep it from you if I tried."

"You know it," Ellie responded easily. "If I ever catch you working for the CIA in your off hours, there will be hell to pay, mister."


	21. Awesome vs the Gravitron

A/N: Woo! I'm finally caught up! Should be a regular Monday update schedule from now on.

Did anyone else wonder how exactly Jeff and Lester escaped from the store? Why don't we find out?

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 21: Awesome vs. the Gravitron

Things were happening very fast.

In the span of about two minutes, Devon had learned that his parents weren't coming to Thanksgiving dinner, received an enormous hug from an overjoyed Ellie, pulled a small, suddenly-unpleasant-smelling bearded man clutching a turkey out of his trash can, watched a slight leer cross that man's face as Ellie hugged him and asked him for forgiveness, and then seen her snap quickly back into freakout mode as the man referenced the existence of a "Chuck and Jill thing."

"Morgan, you tell me everything that you know," she demanded, squeezing his face roughly.

"Sure, absolutely I will," he stammered. "Can I just get one small favor? I need to invite a couple of guests over."

"Yes, whoever you want," Ellie conceded immediately.

"Uhh, babe?" Devon asked hesitantly. "Shouldn't we find out who they are first?"

She whirled to face him and snapped back in a startlingly vicious tone. "What's more important, Devon? Finding out the identities of a couple of people who will be taking the seats of your parents, who happen to have bailed on us at the last minute, or figuring out whether my brother is in the process of wrecking his relationship with the best thing that ever happened to him?"

"All right, easy now," Devon said, taking a nervous step back.

"It's Jeff and Lester," Morgan informed him. "And they could probably use a hand escaping from the store."

Devon was tempted to object to his implicitly assigned task, but one more look at Ellie's flashing eyes sent him scurrying toward the parking lot. He spent the twenty-minute drive to the Buy More plaza wondering how, exactly, this day had managed to go so badly. He grudgingly admitted that it was his parents' fault; if they hadn't claimed they were showing up, Morgan never would have been uninvited, and therefore never would have learned of his coworkers' plight. And while Devon did feel a little sorry for Jeff and Lester, that certainly didn't mean he wanted them coming over and ogling Ellie all afternoon. At least Sarah was coming to absorb some of the unwelcome male attention… unless, as Ellie and Morgan feared, she wasn't. Damn.

The outer door of the electronics store opened freely as Devon walked toward it. Expecting the inner door to behave the same way, he was unpleasantly surprised when it remained unyielding. His face and chest thumped painfully against the obstinate glass. "Really not awesome," he mumbled in frustration.

"Ahh, the good Captain," Lester greeted him from the other side of the door. "What brings you to this elaborate prison?"

"I'm here to invite you guys to dinner, and I guess to help you get out of the store," Devon replied.

"Jeffrey!" the small man cried in excitement. "We're sprung!"

"Well, we still need to get this door open," the heart surgeon observed.

"Morgan and I managed it earlier," Lester noted. "Now that there's a finely-muscled specimen like yourself on the other side, I don't imagine it'll be much trouble at all."

Devon shook off that comment, but decided that such attention might not be entirely bad; maybe it meant _he_ could draw some of the focus away from Ellie. He and Lester began pulling on the door, eventually opening it enough that Devon could wedge himself into the gap. He cautiously pushed outward with both his hands and feet, leaving his butt pressed up against the unmoving wall as he formed his body into a sideways V. _Or a greater than sign_, he mused idly. _Chuck would probably call me a human inequality right now. Door is greater than wall._

Lester climbed out between Devon's limbs, surprisingly managing to avoid an uncomfortable brush with his crotch, and stepped through the unlocked outer doors. Then it was Jeff's turn. The eldest Nerd Herder had been reclining at the service counter until Lester called out for him. Seeing the doctor levering the door open, he began sprinting down the aisle toward the exit. Devon's eyes widened as he realized that this encounter had the potential to go very badly.

The tripwire saved the day. Jeff's feet tangled in it for the second time in less than an hour, sending him to the ground in an undignified belly flop. His forward momentum caused him to slide cleanly under Devon's legs. Unfortunately, his floor-bound trajectory kept him below the view of the sensor for the outer door, allowing his head to smack directly into the door's metal base.

Devon extracted himself from the inner entry as quickly as he could, wincing as it slammed shut with a noticeable bang. He turned toward the stunned computer tech, bringing him back to relative awareness with a series of light slaps to the cheek. "You all right, bro?"

Jeff stared vacantly upward. "This dinner has booze, right?" Devon nodded, and the frizzy-haired nerd's face creased into a dazed smile. "Then I'll be fine."


	22. Awesome vs the Sensai

A/N: I considered three different possibilities for this chapter. Somehow, I just couldn't keep the Captain out of the Buy More.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 22: Awesome vs. the Sensai

"Can you find him for me?"

"Sure, I could… but wouldn't it be more fulfilling if you did it yourself?"

Devon raised a threatening eyebrow. The toad of a man who sat across the Buy More help desk from him was rapidly talking his way out of any future invitations to Bartowski holiday dinners. And, if his attitude kept deteriorating, possibly a couple of his teeth. Fortunately, Lester quickly figured out that Devon wasn't in a mood to be trifled with.

"Look, I'm sorry. It's a stupid store contest. I can help you, but do me a solid, and do not mention it on this card. Yes? Thank you, buddy," he whispered apologetically.

Devon stared quizzically after the retreating Nerd Herder, then shrugged, grabbed a pen from the counter, and colored in three of the five stars offered. As he finished, Lester reemerged from the back of the store.

"Chuck's not here, man. Must be on one of his numerous offsite installs. Sorr… what is this?" he suddenly exclaimed. "Three stars?"

"Well, you really weren't all that helpful," Devon explained patiently.

"That's the point, man! There's an Employee of the Month contest going on. And since being Employee of the Month is lame, we're competing to see who can get the lowest ratings. You're ruining my street cred!"

Devon shook his head in amazement at just how bizarre this store could be at times. Of course, that ridiculousness had occasionally worked to his benefit in the past… He put that train of thought on hold as his mother's voice drifted faintly toward his ears.

"Now, you might think that one waffle iron would be enough. But really, it's far nicer to have the option to choose between standard and Belgian waffles. So why don't we go ahead and register for both?"

The junior Woodcomb suppressed a grin as his fiancée scowled and lifted the price gun threateningly above the back of his mother's head.

Then inspiration struck.

"Hey, Lester? I'll make you a deal. We're registering for our wedding here. You know how to set up a gift registry?" He waited for the greasy head to nod. "Good. You go help out my parents over there. The more helpful you are, the lower the rating I'll give you on the comment card."

"You would do that for me?" Lester asked, an opportunistic gleam creeping into his eye.

"Sure thing, bro. Oh, and could I get your break room key? It'd be nice if Ellie and I could escape the mayhem for a bit." Devon requested.

"Well, that area is for employees only. We're really not supposed to…"

"I'm feeling the urge to fill in a fourth star," the heart surgeon mused.

"No! No need for that. Let me just get you a fresh card here… and the break room key. And I'm off to help your parents!" He scurried in the direction of Woody and Honey, snatching the price gun from Ellie's hands and escorting her future in-laws away. Ellie almost stammered an objection, thought better of it, and wandered dazedly in Devon's direction.

"Sweetie, what just happened?"

He slipped an arm around her shoulders and led her toward the back of the store. "Figured you could use a break before the tasting session tonight, babe. Come on, let's hide before they have a chance to notice we're gone."

She smiled hesitantly up at him. "I appreciate the thought, Devon, but you really didn't have to subject them to the Lester Experience."

"No worries. He knows he'd better behave if he wants a zero-star satisfaction rating and a few scathing comments about his personal hygiene."

Ellie grimaced. "We have got to get my brother out of this store."

Devon shrugged. "On the bright side, he should have a pretty good shot at winning Employee of the Month."


	23. Awesome vs the DeLorean

A/N: Devon is angry. Morgan wouldn't like him when he's angry.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 23: Awesome vs. the DeLorean

_Top 20 options to take revenge on Morgan_

20. Actually turn the DeLorean into a time machine, and send him to an era in which furry little trolls were burned alive. (Not the most practical option. That's why it's #20.)

19. Burn down Bennigan's, and tell Jeff that Morgan did it.

18. On second thought, just tell Jeff that Morgan burned down Bennigan's without actually doing it. He's too lazy to check, and it's not a felony this way.

17. Hide the car keys in the mouth of a trained lion. Preferably a poorly-trained one. (I do love the trained lions.)

16. Steal Big Mike's donuts. Plant them in Morgan's locker.

15. Hide a pair of Ellie's panties in his locker. Note: Must be discovered by Chuck or Anna, not Jeff, Lester, or Morgan himself. This is probably not reliable.

14. Tell my parents that he and Anna need help planning their wedding. Offers the initial freakout of wedding planning, plus the misery that is wedding planning with the senior Woodcombs.

13. Set his mom up with someone horrible. Maybe that Emmett guy.

12. Well, for that one to work, it should be someone who's actually un-horrible enough to stick around for a while. Big Mike might work better.

11. Invite him whitewater rafting. Accidents happen…

10. Commit frequent small acts of sabotage on the car. He'll never suspect anything, because it's a piece of crap anyway.

9. Invite him to a flag football with the frat bros. Aim all passes at the produce section.

8. Invite him to a tackle football game with the frat bros. Dress him for flag football.

7. Draw up an elaborate plan to sabotage the wedding, and tell Ellie and my parents that Chuck found it in Morgan's locker. Needs to be believable as something Morgan would come up with. Should probably feature Jeff, Lester, and fireworks.

6. Tell Chuck I overheard Morgan advising Sarah to give that Bruce guy another chance.

5. Better yet, tell Sarah I overheard Morgan advising Chuck to give _Jill_ another chance. She's more likely to believe me, and she'd be meaner.

4. Scratch Casey's Crown Vic. Frame Morgan.

3. Scratch Casey's Crown Vic, and ensure that Morgan is in the area when it's discovered. You have to figure Casey will just kill everyone within his line of sight. (Note to self: Hide Chuck.)

2. The original idea is still a pretty good one. He does have a considerable amount of hair.

1. Leave him to Anna. She's way scarier than me anyway.


	24. Awesome vs the Santa Claus

A/N: Quick comment on one of my favorite episodes before we get down to business...

Palpatine (pal puh teen), n. Self-destructive speech given by a villain whose beautifully-crafted plan appears to be headed for inevitable success. The speech alerts the heroes to the fact that their current course of action plays directly into the villain's hands, thereby spurring them to change directions and ruin everything. Named for the Emperor in the Star Wars series, who gives the mother of all Palpatines in Return of the Jedi.

Mauser seriously needed to learn when to shut up.

Anyway, let's do the aftermath of this one from Devon's perspective.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 24: Awesome vs. the Santa Claus

"I've had all the excitement I need, honey." Devon punctuated his declaration by holding a sprig of mistletoe above Ellie's head, and she smiled and leaned up to accept his kiss.

It started off as a simple liplock, but quickly escalated as the couple released the stress of the day's harrowing events. Ellie began to stumble backward as her knees weakened, with Devon following her eagerly. She let out an adorable grunt of surprise as her back met the Nerd Herd desk, but recovered quickly and hopped upward to take a seat on the counter. As they resumed their kissing, oblivious to the bustling paramedics and exhausted green shirts surrounding them, Ellie gradually laid down on the desk, with Devon leaning over her. He was trying to figure out how to swing a leg onto the counter without breaking the kiss when the smoke alarm sounded.

Devon's brow furrowed in confusion. He'd managed to completely block out everything else in their surroundings, so why was the smoke alarm bothering him so much?

And why did it sound like Ellie's alarm clock?

Damn.

Devon had never expected to resent his fiancée's tradition of waking up early to make a delicious Christmas breakfast, but as he pressed his face into his pillow and vainly tried to recapture his lost slumber, he came pretty close. Conceding defeat, he rolled over to face his beautiful bedmate, who already had her cooking "game face" on.

"Merry Christmas, babe."

Her face lit up in a breathtaking smile, which made the tinge of morning breath that accompanied her answer well worthwhile. "Merry Christmas, honey." She slithered from beneath the covers, stretched and yawned briefly, and stood. Glancing back toward the bed, she grinned mischievously and added, "Looks like someone wants to get the festivities started early." Giggling at his slight blush, she fired a parting shot before leaving the room. "Why don't you join me in the kitchen when your evergreen's shed a few needles?"

Devon grimaced as she walked down the hall, the delicious sound of her laugh hanging in the air behind her. Rubbing the remaining sleep from his eyes, he climbed gingerly out of bed and began the uncomfortable trek toward the living room. The awkwardness doubled as he discovered he wasn't alone in the hall.

"Mornin', Chuckster," he offered.

"Hey, Devon. Merry Christmas," the nerd replied. Devon couldn't help but notice that the other man looked thoroughly exhausted, as though he'd barely slept. Considering he'd spent most of the previous day dealing with a clumsy, gun-wielding nutcase, that was perfectly understandable.

His reply to the holiday sentiment was cut off by a nervous-sounding, feminine "Chuck?" drifting out of the apartment's second bedroom. Devon grinned broadly. "Sounds like you're having quite the happy holiday already, bro."

Chuck's answering laugh was distinctly strained. "Sure am." The conversation ended quickly as Chuck's side seemed to sprout a protective blonde-haired growth that wrapped two insistent arms around his shoulders. Leaving the couple to their own devices, Devon wandered contentedly toward the kitchen. He found Ellie working on a third set of four pancakes. After planting a quick kiss on the side of her neck, he began searching the refrigerator for a package of bacon.

"You don't have to do that," she protested.

"I feel bad leaving you to handle breakfast on your own. And Chuck doesn't look like he's going to be much help this morning," he replied, laying the strips out on a paper towel and placing it in the microwave.

"Oh?" The pancakes temporarily forgotten, Ellie turned and fixed him with an inquisitive stare.

"Looks like Sarah stayed over last night," Devon announced.

Ellie smiled serenely. "I imagine they both had some tension to release after the day we had."

"Based on how she was acting in the hall, I don't think Sarah's quite done with that." As if on cue, the younger Bartowski and his suddenly doting girlfriend entered the living room and claimed seats on the couch, with Sarah draping herself across Chuck to such an extent that he was effectively pinned to the arm rest.

"You weren't kidding," Ellie said in surprise. "I don't think I've ever seen her so affectionate."

They continued their breakfast preparations and watched the other couple in silence. Chuck appeared to be growing increasingly uncomfortable as Sarah gripped onto him like a child holding an enormous stuffed animal, determinedly ignoring his efforts to create space between them.

"I gotta tell you, babe, that is not how I'd react in this situation," Devon mused.

"Mmm," Ellie nodded contemplatively. "You'd carry Sarah straight down the hall and into the bedroom, right?"

"Exactly," he confirmed, a bit too eagerly. Turning to find an amused glint in Ellie's eyes, he quickly backtracked. "I mean, if we weren't… uhh, I'd carry _you_ down the hall. Because we're engaged."

"That's better," she admonished sternly. "Anyway, you know how Chuck is with PDA."

"True enough," Devon confirmed. "I'm sure they'll be plenty passionate in private."

Ellie shook her head briefly to clear out that image. "And on that note, the pancakes are ready."

Devon laid the bacon strips out on a serving plate and followed his fiancée into the dining room. The other occupants of the apartment quickly joined them, with Sarah moving her chair directly next to Chuck's and firmly grasping his hand. Devon and Ellie shared a private smile and a quick kiss as they sat down.

"Looks like a pretty Merry Christmas all around, babe."


	25. Awesome vs the Third Dimension

A/N: Not a great episode + no real usable Captain = this. Can't win 'em all, right?

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 25: Awesome vs. the Third Dimension

"I can't believe you got these tickets!"

Devon could believe that he'd gotten these tickets. In fact, he was painfully aware of the stunning amount of time, effort, and money the acquisition had taken. He'd actually known about the concert for quite a while. What he hadn't known until yesterday was that his fiancée was secretly a Tyler Martin fan. But when Chuck had called home and said that he had to work late because the Buy More was running some sort of event for the rock star, Ellie had practically melted. So Devon had snapped into action.

"Anything for you, babe."

Ellie beamed up at him, and Devon knew that all his expenditures had been worthwhile.

"Twenty minutes until Tyler Martin takes the stage," promised the PA announcer.

"I'm so excited!" Ellie kicked off a lengthy babbling session that would have done her brother proud. Devon briefly tuned her out, scanning the crowd idly. A lot of guys seemed to be wearing the same thing – olive green trench coat, black baseball cap. He wondered if that was some sort of Tyler Martin fan uniform.

His musings were interrupted by the enthusiastic kiss Ellie planted on him. As they finally came up for air, she leaned up and whispered in his ear. "That's just a preview of what I've got planned for you tonight."

Devon mumbled a distracted "Awesome" as he watched one of the green coat-wearing guys get tackled by someone who looked like a security type. Probably not a fan thing, then. Turning back toward the stage, he looked on uninterestedly as the band warmed up.

Suddenly, Tyler Martin sprinted onto the stage.

"Quick twenty minutes," he muttered. Ellie readily joined the chorus of feminine screams that greeted the musician, and Devon turned his head slightly to mute the noise. His eyes landed on another figure that had joined Tyler onstage. "Is that Chuck?"

"Where?" Ellie asked, turning to look through the audience for her brother.

"Up there," Devon pointed.

"It is Chuck!" she cried excitedly. "Chuck!" she yelled toward the stage, hoping to get his attention. His focus seemed to be directed away from the audience for some reason.

"Chuck, jump!" screamed a voice just behind them. Devon turned in confusion at the sound, wondering who else in the audience knew his future brother-in-law. The quick-moving trail of blond hair he saw gave him one possible answer.

"Babe, I think…"

Ellie cut him off. "Chuck's crowd-surfing!"

He was indeed. Unfortunately, both he and Tyler were moving steadily away from Ellie and Devon.

"How do you think he got onto the stage?" Devon wondered.

"Guess he and Tyler hit it off at the Buy More thing," Ellie answered.

Devon nodded. "Well, whatever happened, it looks like he's taking our advice and enjoying a day off."


	26. Awesome vs the Best Friend

A/N: So, I'm posting this out of airing order. My CMM schedule was set in a perfect world in which Obama held that press conference on a Tuesday, thereby not interruping Chuck's post-Super Bowl viewer-gaining momentum, and not forcing a reshuffling of the episodes that caused no small number of continuity issues. (Of course, in this world, Chuck became NBC's highest-rated show, got a full-season order, and is currently airing new episodes, thus disposing of Chuck Me Mondays altogether. Quite the paradox, no?)

Did anyone else think that Devon's easy handling of all the wedding preparations was a little suspect? He spent the first half of the episode whining about how he didn't have time to deal with that stuff, and then it was just done at the end with a snap of his fingers. Maybe this is how he managed that...

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 26: Awesome vs. the Best Friend

"Crap," Devon muttered. He'd been in trouble with Ellie often enough that he was now good at recognizing it, and he was definitely in trouble this time. Of course, the fact that he was engaged also suggested that he was pretty decent at escaping from any trouble he got into. And he had an idea for how to do that once again: he'd not only take care of his half of the wedding preparations, but hers as well.

Unfortunately, that meant he actually had to deal with wedding stuff. And he had very little idea what to do with any of it. He did, however, know someone who'd be happy to help. He hesitated, knowing the potential ramifications of his decision, but picked up the phone and dialed.

"Mom? Hey, it's Devon. Yeah, it's good to hear your voice too. Say, I was wondering… would you mind helping me out on a couple of wedding details?" He held the phone away from his ear briefly to let Honey's happy outburst subside. "Thanks. Let's talk about flowers first. Ellie had the choices down to roses, daisies, or carnations. Roses? Go with the classic? Gotcha. Yeah, I agree that daisies are a little too colorless.

"Okay, now the cake. You remember the samples we tasted, right? Oh, you took notes? And you have them immediately available. Great. I think our finalists there were carrot, German chocolate, and angel food. Carrot? Sure, definitely important to be health conscious when picking a wedding cake. Awesome choice.

"How about the main course for the reception? Picking between chicken and fish. Yeah, I know you liked the beef… I'll talk to her. But avoid chicken at all costs? Totally cliché, right.

"I think the centerpieces are the last thing on the list. We've got the mixed flowers, the glittery hearts, and the cupids. Mm hmm. Right, mostly-naked fat babies with weapons would give it a total Renaissance feel. No, I agree. Sorry about that.

"Thanks for the help, Mom. Yup. Yeah, love you too. Bye."

Devon hung up and looked at the sheet of paper he'd been using to take notes.

_Flowers: Daisies_

_Cake: Angel food_

_Main course: Chicken_

_Centerpieces: Mixed flowers_

His mom was going to be mad. But based on his extensive experience in doghouse escapes, this idea was absolute money in the bank.


	27. Awesome vs the Suburbs

A/N: Man, no Captain this week, and barely any Ellie. I'm once again left to scrape for material. Ah well, let's have Devon offer a comforting word or two to multiple people.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 27: Awesome vs. the Suburbs

As usual, Devon noticed Ellie immediately upon walking into the apartment. Today, he noticed two things in particular. The first was her delightfully low-cut top. The second was the wistful expression on her face as she gazed toward Chuck's room. He knew from experience that this was a bad sign.

"Babe?" he asked tentatively.

She turned toward him with a tired smile. "Hey, honey."

He walked toward the hall and wrapped his arms comfortingly around her waist. "What's up?"

She sighed. "Chuck and Sarah."

Devon nodded knowingly. "Is it complicated?"

Ellie elbowed him lightly in the stomach. "Apparently not, actually. Turns out, they have a very simple relationship that's never going to change in the future."

Devon frowned. "What the heck happened in that house?"

"I don't know," Ellie replied despairingly. "I just hate to see him waste his time in a relationship that he doesn't think is going anywhere."

Pulling back slightly, Devon turned his fiancée to face him. "You know you have to let him make his own decision on this, right?" She responded only with an absent nod, which Devon found worrisome. "Right?" he emphasized again.

"Yeah, I know. I should let him choose for himself. It's just…"

"Just what?" Devon inquired.

"He's so _bad_ at that," she complained.

Devon groaned. Much as he loved Ellie, her meddling instincts were irrepressible, and tended to cause all kinds of trouble. Unfortunately, further attempts to talk her out of any rash decisions were interrupted by a piercing wail from the courtyard.

"What the…" he muttered. The sound seemed to be growing closer.

"…uuuuuUUUUUCK!" The noise cut off with a loud _thump_ into the front door, followed by an insistent pounding. "Chuck Chuck Chuck Chuck Chuck!"

Devon reluctantly walked to the door and opened it, finding a small, bearded person on the other side. "Morgan, what is the matter with you?"

Morgan stared up at him for a moment, then leaped into the apartment and wrapped his arms around the heart surgeon. "It's horrible," he moaned.

Devon was inclined to agree, but he suspected they'd be thinking of different subjects. "What's horrible?" he asked, attempting to pry himself loose from the smaller man's grasp.

"Big Mike… my mom… intercourse."

Devon gaped. A series of unpleasant images flashed through his head, leaving him unable to form a response more coherent than, "Dude. Harsh."

"Harsh? HARSH? My boss is violating my mother, and that's the best you can come up with?" Morgan demanded as he released his grip.

Devon practically sprinted into the kitchen, flung open the refrigerator door, and reached into a 12-pack on the bottom shelf. "Grape soda?"

"On the rocks?" Morgan asked hopefully.

"You got it, bro." Devon found a glass and dropped in a few ice cubes.

"Thanks. I'll be in Chuck's room."

Devon shook his head. At least Chuck's relationship still wasn't the most dysfunctional one he knew of.


	28. Awesome vs the Beefcake

A/N: Could Chuck get dumped on any more in this episode? Casey mocks him relentlessly, nobody believes he can hack the chip (even though he's not just a Nerd Herder, but a Stanford engineering graduate), Ellie gripes him out about his romantic life from opposite sides... he even gets slapped and then yelled at by Big Mike for Jeff and Lester's stupidity. Why don't we see if we can give him a brief moment in... maybe not the sun, but at least the slightly-less-dark shade?

Housekeeping note: I have a poll up on my profile. If you'd like some control over what story ideas I work on when this challenge is finally done, you should vote in it.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 28: Awesome vs. the Beefcake

"What she means is that… a babe like her is not going to be on the market for long, bro." Devon brought an eyebrow down in disapproval. "Seriously, Chuck, what were you thinking?"

Chuck stared at his sister and her fiancé incredulously. Ellie spoke before he could find a response.

"My shift is starting, so I have to go. See you tonight." She leaned up for a quick kiss from Devon and headed out the door. As soon as she was gone, Devon turned back to Chuck with a much more sympathetic expression on his face.

"Sorry about that, dude. It's just always better to side with the ladyfriend, even when she… well, you know."

"Is trying to escape blame for something that's clearly her fault?" Chuck asked irritably.

"Pretty much," Devon confirmed.

"I can understand that," Chuck said calmly. "But is it really necessary to call me an idiot for following your own advice?"

"That… may have been prompted more by your role in Morgan's display last night," Devon confessed. "Although, now that I think about it, he was a pretty great guest apart from that – he cooked dinner and made us a bath."

"Morgan cooks?"

"I was surprised too," Devon confirmed. "But it was pretty tasty. Honestly, if it hadn't been for Ellie, I'd probably say that the night was a win overall, despite walking in on him."

"And I suppose Ellie didn't hear that opinion either?" Chuck prompted. "Know something, Devon? You're whipped."

"No doubt," the heart surgeon conceded. "But I always say, it's better to be whipped than single."

Chuck grimaced. "She's not even here and you're still piling on?"

"Guess that was a little gratuitous."

Chuck paused briefly before shaking his head. "No. You know what? I deserve every bit of that and more for letting Sarah get away. I gotta go." Scarfing down the last remaining donut, he strode decisively toward the door.

"Good luck, man," Devon called after him.

"Thanks," Chuck replied. "Hey Awesome? Remind me not to listen to Ellie next time."


	29. Awesome vs the Lethal Weapon

A/N: Yes, I know it's Chuck Me Monday, not Chuck Me Wednesday. But I'll have to double up a few times to get done before Season 3 starts, and the Cole arc seemed like a good chance to do that and get two episodes I'm not too fond of out of the way at the same time.

Because there wasn't enough angst for me in this episode, I figured I'd do one of those compare and contrast things that teachers assigned you in middle school. So here's a scene that pairs off with Chuck and Sarah waking up at the beginning of the episode.

Housekeeping note: The race for the #2 spot in the "What should I write next?" poll is very close. And since I'm planning to do two things... you should definitely vote and break the near-tie.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 29: Awesome vs. the Lethal Weapon

Devon was sleeping soundly (and snoring lightly) when Ellie's alarm jerked him rudely awake. His fiancée uttered a muffled curse as she rolled over to turn it off, then turned toward him with a sultry smile that said her bad mood had immediately disappeared.

"Morning, Devon. How'd you sleep?"

Casting an appreciative glance over the half of his bedmate that had emerged from beneath the sheet, Devon grinned. "Not nearly as well as I woke up."

Ellie laughed. "Sorry, but no time for that this morning. Shift starts in just over an hour."

Devon shook his head. "That's not what I meant. Any morning when I wake up next to you is guaranteed to be just about ideal."

Ellie beamed at him. "You want the shower first?"

"I'm good," he replied, gladly taking the opportunity to watch her walk out of the room. No matter how often he saw it, Devon always marveled at how amazing Ellie looked just after waking up in a simple T-shirt and underwear. He craned his neck uncomfortably to maintain the view for as long as possible before conceding defeat to the geometry of the apartment's master bathroom. Sighing happily, he stood from the bed and headed toward the kitchen to prepare the morning pot of coffee.

He pulled up short in the hallway as Sarah emerged from Chuck's room, her attire nearly identical to Ellie's. Nodding a friendly greeting, he let her pass into the bathroom before resuming his caffeine-motivated journey. The percolating water in the coffee maker mixed with the twinned sounds of the apartment's shower heads in a soothing morning medley, and Devon allowed himself to lean against the counter and relax into a pleasant reverie that remained uninterrupted until Chuck joined him in the kitchen.

"Hey, Devon," the younger man said.

"Morning, Chuck," the surgeon replied placidly. "Good one, too, if I'm not mistaken," he added with a raised eyebrow in the direction of the bathroom wall.

"I've had worse," Chuck confirmed with a strained smile.

"You know, with all the effort they put into dressing up, sometimes I don't think women know what they do to us just after they roll out of bed," Devon mused.

Chuck barked out a surprisingly harsh laugh. "Tell me about it."

"Seriously, bro, major congrats on the new living arrangements. I gotta tell you, there's nothing like waking up every morning lying next to a beautiful girl who you're absolutely crazy about. It's absolutely…"

"Awesome?" Chuck cut him off.

Devon chuckled. "Pretty much. It's an incomparable experience."

Chuck sighed in what Devon assumed was contentment. "Yeah."


	30. Awesome vs the Predator

A/N: No Captain this time, which is one of the few things I don't like about this episode. One of the many things I do like is the plumbing-related intro. I wonder what we can do with that...

Housekeeping note: I'll be closing the "what story should I write next?" poll later this week. So get your votes in now.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 30: Awesome vs. the Predator

Devon had just finished suffering through a two-day tour of wedding sites, featuring an overwhelming amount of unwanted input from his parents. And because he'd needed to take time off for the trip, he had back-to-back days of double shifts coming up. So he was understandably hoping to come home and sleep for something like 12 uninterrupted hours.

But the apartment was just such a _mess_.

Devon wasn't a neat freak, but he did tend to prefer things fairly tidy. And Ellie… well, she was another matter entirely. So it was a little disorienting to see just how much clutter had managed to appear in 48 hours. With a heavy sigh, he reluctantly began collecting pizza boxes and empty grape soda cans. Noticing that the kitchen trash can was already full, he headed for the laundry room, only to find… well, something.

He was hesitant to touch it with his bare hands, but curiosity eventually overcame his passion for sterile technique, and he used his thumb and index finger to gingerly lift the object from the garbage bin. It appeared to be a jumpsuit. Judging from the smell, it had been worn while doing plumbing. The nametag read "Jorge." And Devon had no idea why it was in his apartment. Glancing downward again, he saw a similar but smaller set of work clothes. He quickly estimated the sizes, and came up with a simple answer that made no sense at all. Holding his foul-smelling prize in front of him, he moved toward the bedroom of one of the two people he suspected was involved in… whatever this thing had been used for.

"Chuck?"

The nerd in question was reclining on his bed, paging through an _Ex Machina_ comic book with an oddly thoughtful expression on his face. "Hey, Devon," he said, sitting up abruptly and stuffing his reading material in a nightstand drawer. "What's up?"

"Nothin' much, bro, just cleaning up a bit," the older man replied casually.

"Sorry about the mess. It's just been a crazy couple of days," Chuck deflected.

Devon chose to ignore the obviously un-crazy activity his future brother-in-law had been enjoying mere moments ago. "So, I was wondering… do you know where this came from?"

Chuck yelped slightly as Devon brought the jumpsuit into view. "Uhh, that? It's just, uhh…"

His ineloquent mutterings were interrupted by a knock at the Morgan Door. "Chuck?" a familiar female voice called.

"Hey, Sarah," he answered nervously as his gorgeous girlfriend climbed into the room. She started slightly as she noticed what Devon was holding, but proved to be far better than Chuck at concealing her response.

"How about you, Sarah?" Devon pressed. "Any insight into this thing's origins?"

"Uhh, well… Chuck and I were, uhh… playing a game," she stammered, blushing slightly as she finished.

Devon's eyes widened, and his face formed a grin. "Nice," he said with a nod in Chuck's direction. "But plumbers? Seriously, bro?"

Chuck shot Sarah an angry look. "It wasn't my idea."

"Well, it worked out all right, I think," she argued, situating herself next to Chuck on the bed.

"Suppose I can't disagree with that," Chuck conceded. "Although I could have done without the big wrench."

Devon winced – that sounded painful. "Look, guys, I appreciate the need for a little adventure. God knows Ellie and I have…"

"Really don't need to hear about that!" Chuck interrupted frantically.

"Right, sorry. But couldn't you go for something a little more… sanitary? I mean, this thing is pretty disgusting," he said, indicating the jumpsuit with a grimace.

Sarah smiled demurely. "What can I say? Sometimes a girl's just gotta have it dirty."

Devon almost passed out.


	31. Awesome vs the Broken Heart

A/N: This one was actually surprisingly difficult to come up with... I was initially inclined to take the rare opportunity for Devon/Ellie angst, but it refused to appear on my screen. So here's this instead.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 31: Awesome vs. the Broken Heart

Devon became ever-more frantic as the radius of the desperate search for his keycard expanded. He rifled through every drawer and cabinet in the bathroom, emptied out three dressers and two hampers full of clothing, and visually scoured the floor under every piece of furniture in the apartment. Nothing.

"Damn," he muttered. He racked his brain, trying to remember any detail he could that would lead him to the missing security pass. Ellie had mentioned that Casey brought him home last night – maybe he'd ended up with the card somehow.

He stepped into the courtyard and walked toward Casey's front door, only to stop near the fountain as the man he was looking for emerged from his residence. Devon's eyes shot wide open when he realized that Casey wasn't alone – and they nearly popped out of his head as he recognized the other man's companion.

"Hey, John," he stammered hesitantly.

Casey offered him a businesslike nod. "Devon."

"Listen, thanks for your help with the party last night."

"No problem," Casey replied dismissively.

"I was wondering…" Devon trailed off.

"Yeah?"

"Ellie said you carried me home this morning. You didn't happen to see my hospital key card, did you?" the surgeon queried.

Casey's flinch was barely noticeable. "I don't think so. Sorry."

"Well, uhh, let me know if you happen to find it, would you? I could get fired over that."

Casey nodded. "I'm sure it'll turn up."

"I hope so, man. The job market is less than awesome right now," Devon said worriedly.

Casey's companion took a startlingly aggressive step toward him. "Did it ever occur to you, with a war going on, and terrorists plotting against this country, that maybe your problems are not the most important issue in the world?"

Devon backed away nervously. "The, uhh, thought crossed my mind."

She advanced on him menacingly, and her voice grew louder as she began warming to her topic. "I swear, some people just don't understand…"

Her blossoming rant was cut short as Casey tugged her insistently toward the parking lot, pausing only to toss a quick "Good luck, Devon" over his shoulder.

The young doctor turned back toward his apartment, his head still spinning slightly from what he'd just seen. If he wasn't mistaken, it looked like strait-laced, gruff, nine-toed John Casey had hooked up with a stripper. Not only that, but the stripper was pretty terrifying – which, Devon reflected, might actually make the two of them a good match.

The admittedly slight brightening of his spirits ended abruptly as his gaze fell on the coat rack for the first time that morning. He shook his head as his day took yet another perplexing turn, one that would result in his calling in sick to work.

_Where the hell is my lab coat?_


	32. Awesome vs the Dream Job

A/N: This is definitely an episode that gets better the more times you watch it. In particular, additional viewings gave me a greater appreciation for Orion, and his acceptance of the burden he took on when he left his family. So that's where this comes from.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 32: Awesome vs. the Dream Job

"You must be Devon."

"Yeah." The doctor in question nodded hesitantly, doing his best to allow his practiced charm to overcome the reticence that was a natural outgrowth of Ellie's awkward reaction to the arrival of the man who was now standing in their living room. His lips curled into a forced smile as he extended a friendly hand in greeting, only to find it filled not by a warm clasp from the other man, but by the handles of a suitcase.

"Big TV," Stephen Bartowski commented irrelevantly.

Devon's forehead creased in confusion as his future father-in-law launched into an exquisitely detailed description of the helix-shaped plasma crystals he claimed to have designed years ago. Lacking the requisite technical expertise to understand the discussion, Devon nodded vacantly along and decided to take the opportunity to study the man doing the talking.

His initial impression was consistent with Ellie's normal depiction of Stephen Bartowski – namely, that he was more than a little crazy. But as he watched the older man pick up the remote and insist that the version of the device that could control multiple entertainment systems had originally been his idea, Devon began to see the crushing fatigue that was so valiantly hidden behind an apparently eager smile. When Stephen stole a glance down the hall through which both of his children had nearly sprinted in their apparent attempts to escape the ramifications of his presence, Devon noted the spasm of intense longing that flickered across his features. And when the Bartowski patriarch briefly met his eyes before reluctantly asking, "She's mad, isn't she," Devon caught a brilliantly lucid flash of carefully masked intelligence.

"I think so, yeah," he responded cautiously. "I mean, you've been gone… well, long enough that we've never met."

Devon never would have noticed the flinch if he hadn't been carefully looking for it. Ignoring Stephen's diversionary dissertation on the frequency calculations associated with his surround sound system, he peered briefly toward the door to the bedroom in which Chuck was undoubtedly asking (and, being Chuck, likely convincing) Ellie to give their dad another chance. And as he turned back in time to catch the wistful smile that briefly played across the older man's lips, he decided that Chuck was probably right. Devon wasn't sure why his fiancée's father worked so hard to hide his emotions, but it was becoming clear to him that the man cared about his children a great deal.

Devon had no idea what could possibly spur a man to abandon his family, and barring the discovery of an impossibly good reason, he certainly wouldn't rush to condone that course of action. But whatever his motivation had been, Devon was confident that there was more to Stephen Bartowski than met the eye.


	33. Awesome vs the First Kill

A/N: The last Captainless episode of the season, which means you have to suffer through one last Morgan appearance in this story.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories... In this case, I should also throw in that I don't own the Princess Bride (except for the Collector's Edition DVD I just picked up for 8 bucks.)

* * *

Chapter 33: Awesome vs. the First Kill

"Chuck?"

Devon poked his head down the hallway to see Morgan emerging from Chuck's bedroom. "Not here, dude. He and Sarah had somewhere to be, I think."

The smaller man walked dejectedly into the living room and slumped down onto the couch. "I really could have used his advice about this," he moaned. "I don't suppose…"

"Happy to fill in," Devon offered agreeably. "What's the situation?"

"Well, there's a corporate guy from Buy More coming in," Morgan explained. "And Emmett wants us all to be on our best behavior, because he's being evaluated. But I sort of have the sense that he's playing us. What should I do?"

Devon nodded sagely. "I think this may be a situation in which we can learn something from a great battle of wits." Grabbing the nearby remote, he turned on the TV before walking toward the Bartowski DVD collection.

"Wow. Not sure I'd call this a great battle of wits, big guy," Morgan remarked.

Devon's head snapped around to find an ESPN program featuring several talking heads ranting about the athletic events of the day. He chuckled. "Not what I meant," he reassured the younger man. Finding the disc he was looking for, he inserted it into the player.

"_The Princess Bride?_" Morgan asked skeptically. "I've seen this movie dozens of times. I owe my mad spontaneous rhyming skills entirely to Andre the Giant. But I don't see how this is going to be helpful."

"Surely you remember the scene I'm thinking of," Devon scolded. "The wine, the poison…"

"That one? I always kind of ignored it – the high-voiced guy annoys me," Morgan admitted.

Devon shook his head despairingly. "Watch," he ordered.

Morgan sat entranced as Vizzini tangled himself ever further in dizzying webs of logic and subterfuge, ending inevitably in his own demise. "That bald guy was a genius!" he exclaimed. "But I still don't know what the big lesson was supposed to be. I mean, he mentioned the classic blunders, but I'm not going to have a land war in Asia, and I don't think Emmett is Sicilian."

"That's not really the point," Devon replied. "The guy who won the battle came up with a simple solution to the problem in front of him. All you have to do is figure out…"

"Gotcha," Morgan declared. "So I have to figure out from what I know about Emmett whether he would put the poison in his glass, or mine. Thanks!"

"Morgan…" Devon called futilely after the bearded man's retreating form. He sighed in defeat. "Ah well. What's the worst that could happen?"


	34. Awesome vs the Colonel

A/N: So, I imagine this is one of the more anticipated entries. It's also my first attempt at a stream of consciousness. Hopefully it works. If not... well, I've already got Awesome vs. the Ring written, and I'm pretty sure that one works, and it'll be up in a day or two. So there's that.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 34: Awesome vs. the Colonel

_DUDE!_

_Chuck's a spy? This is… I mean, I knew little bro was too good for the Buy More. He's smart, and funny, and girls seem to think he's cute, although he strikes me as a little goofy looking. But seriously, a spy? Like James Bond, with cars, and guns, and helicopters, and tuxedos, and women? The guy can't even catch a football! And as for women… I mean, he didn't even have a date in the first two years I knew him. Not before Sarah._

_Sarah._

_DUDE._

_Sarah's a spy. Which I guess is a little more believable than Chuck being a spy. I mean, she's… well, Sarah. But still, there's a difference between being a beautiful girl and being a force of nature, and I just saw her kick the hell out of a guy twice her size. Without even using the gun. By the way, she had a gun. That may be the most terrifying and arousing thing I'll ever see in my life. I was already a little surprised that Chuck had landed her. But now…_

_Wait. Dude._

_If Sarah is Chuck's "handler," does that mean they're not really dating? That would suck… although, come to think of it, it would also explain a lot, like how they never seem to have sex, and why they break up all the time. Actually, that's probably where all of their weirdness comes from, isn't it? Chuck always used to be so reliable. I bet just about every important event he's missed in the last two years has been due to some kind of… what did he call it? Mission?_

_Mission! Crap, Ellie's home! And she's asking some kind of question about Chuck… Say something!_

_Ow! Not that, apparently. Shake off the slap, Devon. Can't let the Chuckster down. Don't want him to have to face an angry Ellie on top of an angry… or furious… or purple-with-rage Casey._

_Casey. Now there's a guy who isn't too much of a surprise. Not only is he way too built for a Buy More employee, but he doesn't exactly have a classic salesman's personality. But still, I had no idea he could take a punch like that. Not that I'm a Golden Gloves boxer or anything, but last time I hit someone like that, he went down hard. Might not have been my finest moment, but you can't let some random dude in a bar feel up your woman, after all. Unless the random dude is John Casey, apparently. I suspect he could seriously kick my ass, and then go back to groping Ellie as much as he wanted._

_Oh, dude._

_He has a camera in Chuck's bedroom. Which is apparently supposed to be there, I guess. But it's still creepy. Does he have them in other rooms of the house? Our bedroom? The bathrooms? Seriously uncool. Maybe Chuck can help me do something about that… as long as Casey doesn't kill him first._

_Dude._

_Chuck talked like they were friends, or at least coworkers… Casey is supposed to protect him, but Sarah pulled a gun on him, and kicked him into the table, and tied him up. What the hell is going on there? Is Chuck in trouble? Is Sarah? Or Casey? Whatever it is, this can't end well, right? Will they be back for the wedding? Will they be back at all? This is crazy. And in the middle of all of it, I get to go pick up my parents at the airport like it's something important to do._

_Holy shit, dude._


	35. Awesome vs the Ring

A/N: Well, this is it - the last entry. I'm a little surprised to have made it all the way through both seasons, especially with the surprise jump in the premiere date for season 3 - not that I'm complaining. Loads of thanks go out to my readers and reviewers, who put up with entries that were ridiculous departures from character, and even a few somewhat blatant violations of canon. Hopefully the occasional good chapters have made up for it.

I don't own Chuck. I have a stockpile of moderately clever ways to say that, but I'm saving those for my full-length stories...

* * *

Chapter 35: Awesome vs. the Ring

Devon sat glumly on the hallway floor, leaning up against the wall that separated him from the bathroom. He trusted Chuck – he had even before learning the big secret. So if little bro thought that the wedding needed to be stalled for some reason, Devon was willing to accept that on faith. On the other hand, there's a significant difference between briefly delaying and utterly destroying, and the line between them had been very decisively crossed.

"How is she?"

The erstwhile groom looked up and discovered his renegade best man staring nervously at the bathroom door.

"Not good, bro. She's in the bathtub with a bottle of wine – still wearing the dress."

Chuck closed his eyes despairingly. "Shit."

Devon couldn't suppress a chuckle at the uncharacteristic vulgarity. "Yeah."

Chuck knelt down next to his future brother-in-law. "Devon, I am so, so sorry."

The surgeon clapped him supportively on the shoulder. "No… well, I guess I can't really say 'no worries,' can I?" He paused thoughtfully. "Can you tell me about it?"

"Not all of it," came the regretful reply. "But I'm pretty sure I can at least tell you that Ellie's life was in danger."

Devon's eyebrows climbed his forehead at a high rate of speed. He hadn't even considered that potential complication of Chuck's double life. A vast array of thoughts rushed through his mind, yet somehow, all he could manage to say was, "Wow." Turning to study the younger man, he was surprised to see tears welling up in the nerd's brown eyes.

"I hate this so much," Chuck murmured.

"What's that?" Devon asked in surprise.

"This!" Chuck exclaimed passionately. "The lies, the secrets, this… this _life_. I'm just so tired of all of it. I mean, for Christ's sake, Devon, I just utterly ruined my sister's wedding!"

"Hey. Look at me, bro," Devon instructed. "There is one thing you will never need to apologize for as far as I'm concerned, and that's keeping Ellie safe. You can wreck a hundred of our weddings to do that if you need to."

Chuck laughed bitterly. "I really hope it doesn't come to that."

"Me too, man. I figure I'd get tired of eating the unused cake after the first three or four," Devon pointed out. Chuck's only response was a confused look. "Plus," the doctor continued, "you have to figure that after a couple dozen or so, it'd start getting harder to find a photographer who's willing to take the job."

The trademark Bartowski smile slowly spread across the newly-revealed spy's face. "You'd be the first couple that ever had to give their caterers hazard pay."

"Wonder how Ellie would feel about a Kevlar wedding dress?"

The bitterness wasn't entirely gone from Chuck's answering laugh, but it was greatly reduced. "Thanks for this, Devon. For the talk, and for understanding, and for being so great for Ellie, and… thanks for being awesome."

Devon extended a hand for Chuck to shake, and they pulled each other up from the floor. "Likewise, Chuckster."

Chuck stepped toward the bathroom, turning around just before reaching the door. "One more thing – don't change out of your tux just yet. You're still getting married today, even if I have to…" He trailed off.

"Call in a special forces team?" Devon tried.

Chuck smiled mysteriously. "Call in _another_ special forces team to get it done," he finished.

As his future brother-in-law entered the bathroom, Devon was once again left wondering what the hell had happened at his wedding. But as he listened through the wall while Chuck consoled the sister whose life he'd just saved, his thoughts were much more focused.

_Chuck's really all grown up, isn't he?_


End file.
